Гениальные заблуждения, или как время расставляет всё по местам.

It’s generally a bad idea to say something can’t or won’t be done, especially in the realm of science and technology. The following are quotations that have failed to stand up to the test of time:

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• «I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.» — Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943.  See translation 
• «I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won’t last out the year.» — The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957. See translation
• «But what…is it good for?» — Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip. See translation 
• «There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.» — Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977. See translation 
• «640K ought to be enough for anybody.» — Attributed to Bill Gates, 1981, but believed to be an urban legend. See translation 
• «This ‘telephone’ has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us.» — Western Union internal memo, 1876. See translation 
• «The Americans have need of the telephone, but we do not. We have plenty of messenger boys.» — Sir William Preece, chief engineer of the British Post Office, 1876. See translation 
• «The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?» — David Sarnoff’s associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s. See translation 
• «Where a calculator on the ENIAC is equipped with 18,000 vacuum tubes and weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have only 1,000 vacuum tubes and weigh only 1.5 tons.» — Popular Mechanics, 1949. See translation 
• «The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a ‘C’, the idea must be feasible.» — A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith’s paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.) See translation 
• «Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?» — H. M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927. See translation 
• «I’m just glad it’ll be Clark Gable who’s falling on his face and not Gary Cooper.» — Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in «Gone With the Wind.» See translation 
• «We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.» — Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962. See translation 
• «Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible.» — Lord Kelvin, British scientist, 1899. See translation 
• «So we went to Atari and said, ‘Hey, we’ve got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we’ll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we’ll come work for you.’ And they said, ‘No.’ So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, ‘Hey, we don’t need you. You haven’t got through college yet.'» — Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and HP interested in his and Steve Wozniak’s personal computer. See translation 
• «That Professor Goddard with his ‘chair’ in Clark College and the countenancing of the Smithsonian Institution does not know the relation of action to reaction, and of the need to have something better than a vacuum against which to react — to say that would be absurd. Of course, he only seems to lack the knowledge ladled out daily in high schools.» — 1921 New York Times editorial about Robert Goddard’s revolutionary rocket work. The remark was retracted in the July 17, 1969 issue. See translation 
• «Ours has been the first, and doubtless to be the last, to visit this profitless locality.» — Lt. Joseph Ives, after visiting the Grand Canyon in 1861. See translation 
• «Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You’re crazy.» — Workers whom Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859. See translation 
• «Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value.» — Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre. See translation 
• «Everything that can be invented has been invented.» — Attributed to Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899, but known to be an urban legend. See translation 
• «Louis Pasteur’s theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.» — Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872. See translation
• «The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon.» — Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria 1873. See translation

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Немного юмора из серии Devil’s Dictionary — толкового словаря, знаменитого своими циничными определениями — в виде небольшого теста на тему используемой в переписках лексики — здесь (к сожалению, wordpress.com не поддерживает вставку подобных объектов в блоги).

Ниже вы можете прочитать весь текст.

Funny English: A robber was robbing a house…

A robber was robbing a house when he heard a voice. «Jesus is watching you!» — «Who’s there?»  the robber said, but no sound was heard. So he kept going and he heard it two more times when he spotted a parrot. «What’s your name?» the robber asked. «Cocodora,» said the parrot. «Now, what kind of idiot would name a bird Cocodora?» said the robber. «The same idiot who named the rotweiler Jesus,» said the parrot.

Вор-домушник обчищал квартиру, когда вдруг услышал голос: «Иисус наблюдает за тобой!» «Кто здесь?» — воскликнул вор, но не услышал ни звука в ответ. Потому он продолжил свое дело, и, лишь когда голос прозвучал еще два раза, он обнаружил попугая. «Как тебя зовут?» — спросил вор.  «Кокодора,»  — ответил попугай.  «Боже, что за идиот назвал птицу Кокодора?» — воскликнул вор.»Тот же идиот, что назвал ротвейлера Иисусом,» — ответил попугай.

Funny English: диалог полицейского с водителем, превысившим скорость

A man was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving just fine.
(Мужчину задержали за превышение скорости, а он был уверен, что ехал с дозволенной скоростью)
Officer, «You were speeding.» (Офицер: «Вы ехали слишком быстро»)
Man, «No, I wasn’t.» (Мужчина: «Нет, я этого не делал»)
Officer, «Yes, you were. I’m giving you a ticket.» (Офицер: «Нет, делали, я выписываю вам штраф»)
Man, «But I wasn’t speeding.» (мужчина: «Но я не ехал с превышением скорости»)
Officer, «Tell that to the judge!» (The officer gives man the ticket.) (Офицер: «Скажите это судье!» (Офицер вручает мужчине штраф))
Man, «Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?» (Мужчина: «Вы мне выпишете еще один штраф, если я назовувас придурком?»)
Officer, «Yes, you would.» (Офицер: «Да, конечно»)
Man, «What if I just thought that you were?» (Мужчина: «А если я только подумаю, что вы ничтожество?»)
Officer, «I can’t give you a ticket for what you think.» (Офицер: «Я не могу выписать вам штраф за то, что вы подумаете»)
Man, «Fine, I think you’re a jerk!» (Мужчина: «Отлично! Я думаю, что вы придурок!»)